The Crash Zone (The Zone Series Book 2) Page 15

  “No, don’t worry. And I also don’t wet the bed, in case you were wondering that too.” I smile. I retrieve a pair of boxers from my closet and drop my towel, well aware of her eyes on me. I then move to the hallways and grab clean sheets. I feel like I’m playing house all of a sudden. I have a slight ache of loss that I ignore and continue back to the bedroom.

  We make the bed and then I motion for her to get in.

  Tatum settles herself in my arms and her hand goes back to caressing my chest. Tatum’s breathing evens out and she’s soon fallen asleep. Her hair is fanned out along the pillow beside mine. We’re facing each other and she looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Her mouth slightly agape and the fluttering of her eyelashes as she falls deeper into sleep. While I’m wide awake. That ache has returned and suddenly I feel guilty. I’m feeling guilty for caring about Tatum, for having Tatum here in my bed, living with me and making future plans with her. I attempt to push away at this feeling, I don’t need to feel this way when everything is going so good right now.

  I take a deep breath and turn over to my back to stare at the ceiling. I’m not feeling the need to drink, but I’m feeling the need to run. And I don’t want to run from Tatum, that’s not fair to her. I need to remember our rules, the new number three rule is to be honest with another. So I need to talk to her and tell her .. what do I tell her? That she makes me feel guilty? That she makes me feel like I’m betraying my ex, who is dead? I need to tell her that she makes me feel again. But first, I need to tell her about Betsy.

  Chapter 27 – Tatum

  I woke up in Max’s room, but I was alone. His side of the bed was cold, as if he’s been up for awhile. I looked around his room and saw the alarm clock across the room. It was still early, not even 10am yet.

  The bedroom door was closed, but I heard voices out in the living areas. I rolled out of his bed and found a t-shirt hanging in his closet. It wouldn’t be proper to walk out there, if we had company in my tank top, since Max seems to think it’s see through.

  I walk into the kitchen and see Sterling and Dane on the other side of the counter.

  “Good morning sleepy-head!” Dane smiles as I approach. They are way too chipper for the morning.

  I look around and see no signs of Max.

  “Max went to the store. I brought over bacon and then he explained to us that you couldn’t eat the bacon, so he ran to pick up some sausage.”

  My heart filled with gratitude as I smiled.

  “So, he tells us that you’ve cured him.” Dane says. Sterling swats at him and shushes him.

  “Cured him? From what a broken heart? Max never striked me as being broken hearted.” I laugh.

  Sterling and Dane suddenly look uncomfortable, and it would seem that I missed something. But they are looking behind me and not at me. I turn and I see Max is cemented in the spot he’s standing. Holding two grocery bags and an unhinged jaw.

  By the look on his face, I’m not sure if I said something wrong or not. He’s not showing any signs of, well anything. He resumes his steps and smiles weakly at me as he walks by me. He sets up the bags on the counter and leaves the kitchen into his room, where he closes the door behind him.

  “Shit. Did I say something wrong?” I ask, hugging myself.

  Sterling and Dane look hesitantly at one another.

  “I’ll, uh go check on Max.” Dane says excusing himself.

  “Shit, I did, didn’t I?” I sulk to the barstool and plant myself on it. I put my head in my hands and groan.

  “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know. Max… fuck… he should be telling you this. I’m sorry Tatum. This isn’t my story to tell.”

  “Is Max, is he okay?” I ask. That’s the only answer I need right now.

  “He’s been better since you moved in, since you and him re-met.” She answers. I can see in her expression that she believes that.

  Not a minute later, Dane reappears from Max’s bedroom.

  “Hey, let’s give these two some alone time. We’ll uh, come back over and have breakfast for dinner. Yeah, sorry Tatum. Really.” Dane says apologetically.

  I follow them with my eyes and then turn the stool to eject myself from it and seek out Max. I should probably give him some time to himself, but that would torture me right now. So I walk into his bedroom. He’s sitting in one of the corner recliner chairs with his hands in his hair. He’s breathing deeply and it looks like he’s about to lose his cool.

  “Max? Max? Did I do something, say something wrong?” I squeak out. I’m walking slowly towards him, unsure how to approach him.

  His eyes finally focus on me and recognition appears. His hands fall from his hair.

  “No, no of course not. Come here, please?” He asks me holding his hand out to me, it’s shaking slightly.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on, Dane and Sterling they said-“

  “I know what they said.” He takes a deep breath. “Listen, there’s something that I need to explain to you. I was actually trying to get the nerve to do it today anyways. They just sped up the talk I was hoping to have with you later on today.”

  “Oh no.” I start to move myself from sitting on his lap but he wraps his arms around me.

  “No, no it’s not anything like that. Please, just listen. We’re gonna, I’m gonna have a serious discussion. It’s one sided though, but I think in order for there to be an us, this is something that you are fully aware of. And I would feel particularly better about this, if you stayed right where you are.” He says fixing my legs so I sit astride him.

  We’re facing another right now and he looks lost and nervous. I run my hand along his shoulder and try to relax, waiting for him to start talking.

  He takes a very deep breath and then looks at an empty space in the corner of his room.

  “As you know, I am a recovering alcoholic. I haven’t always been one, I’m sure somewhere deep down inside I always was since I partied almost as hard in college, but my heavy drinking came to surface when I got into a car accident and lost someone.”

  Several deep breaths. He closes his eyes and starts talking again.

  “She died, and I was badly injured. I didn’t know she died until after I went through my own surgery. I lived with Dane and Sterling for a while and almost ruined my friendship with them.”

  Another deep breath, this one shaky.

  “I stopped caring. About everything, I lived in what I would call the crash zone for a year and half, going through a foggy haze of alcohol and women. I’m honestly surprised my intervention didn’t come sooner. When we met, I wasn’t at my best, I was at rock bottom, and I’m sorry for that, I don’t regret our night or what’s become of it, I think though that it contributed to me getting better, I don’t know how but I think that. Anyways, I had just gotten into another car accident, someone wasn’t paying attention when they were changing lanes, and that sent me to a bad place.”

  I don’t know if I should say anything, or to continue letting him speak. He said it was a one sided conversation, and I’m sure that he’s heard all the sorries that someone could give. So I sit silent, waiting for him to go on.

  He swallows and continues on.

  “When we hooked up, I never would have thought that you knew Davis. But since he found me, I assume through you and Sammie – anyways, I have felt guilty for a lot of things since the accident. I lived and she didn’t, I’m moving on with my life and she’s forever stuck, I have feelings for you but if she didn’t die, then this wouldn’t have happened. I feel guilty for moving on, for using women, for drinking and losing my way for a bit, for letting down my friends, for moving you in, and then I feel guilty that I feel these things and I know that I shouldn’t. I know that I need to be the best me for you and for peanut and most of all myself. I’ve had enough talks with Sterling to know that feeling this is okay, especially when presented with something new. But you’re helping me, by not doing anything in particular, but just by you existing and existing with me.�
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  “I don’t understand the guilt all the way, but I accept it. It’s not something that I can fully control, but I don’t want it to consume me and to obstruct anything in my path, in our path. When Dane mentioned curing me, you are. However unconventional this relationship was started, my ducks are messy as fuck, but they’re getting in their rows, they’re in the same pond and that counts. I may say or act weirdly, but rule number three is that we be honest with another and I want nothing more than to be that with you, especially if it speeds up the annihilation of rule number five.” He ends with a wink.

  Tears are struggling to stay in, a few lone tears escaped during his confession. Max wipes my cheeks and pulls me to him and hugs me. His arms circle my entire body, and his head lays in the crook of my neck. I feel wetness against my neck and I tighten my arms around him. We sat like that for several minutes, in silence, giving our strength to each other.

  ***

  Today, I am 15 weeks pregnant. Pregnancy is weird in that they don’t measure by months, since months have sometimes 5 weeks in them, but the baby’s gestation is measured by weeks. So that basically means, that pregnancy lasts more to 10 months and not the 9 months that has always been told to us growing up.

  Everything on the home front has been quiet. Max has been steadily working and going to a few meetings a week. We had his brother and Katrina over for dinner and then the following week, we had Leo and his fiancé over for dinner, and tonight I refused to have anyone come over because now that Max and I have passed the 1 month mark, rule number five can be exterminated. It’s been a rough sexless month and all I want to do is devour him. But I’m sitting here on the couch, with my feet up on the coffee table, watching one of the housewives shows anticipating him to come home.

  Usually, he comes home around now, but the house is silent other than the bickering middle-aged women on the screen in front of me. I check my phone, and there are no messages. I feel like a worried wife, except I have no need to be worried and I’m not a wife. But somewhere in my gut, something is nagging at me.

  Suddenly, my cell lights up. I don’t recognize the number, but I know that it’s local.

  “Hello?” I answer.

  “Tatum? Hey, this is Judy. Leo’s fiancé.”

  “Hey Judy. How’s it going?” I ask, slightly nervous for her answer.

  “Well, I wanted to let you know that Max has been over here for the past 3 hours. Leo and him have been talking in the backyard. Max looks, he doesn’t look so good.” She says sadly.

  “Do you, do you think or know if he’s been drinking?” I ask, definitely scared of her answer.

  “He hasn’t. But since he’s been here for so long, I’ve checked on them a few times, and I know the look he has. He’s stressed or upset, and he’s not handling it well right now, I overheard birthday or something like that, is it your birthday? Anyways, Leo asked me to call their sponsor, that’s how I got your number, when I got Mike’s number, I got yours too from his phone.”

  “No it’s not my birthday, but I have a feeling I know what’s going on. Is Mike coming over?”

  “Yeah, he’ll be here soon.”

  “Judy? What do I do?” This is new territory for me, while I’m aware of how Max feels about me, he still has pent up emotions regarding his ex who passed away. I shouldn’t be jealous, but a part of me is.

  “Stay put. Mike will put things into perspective. The good thing is that he’s not drinking and he’s talking to someone.”

  “But not me.” I say as a tear falls.

  “That doesn’t mean anything. I’ve been where you are. It just means that he needed to talk to someone who understands what he is going through right now. Listen, I’m sorry if I upset you. I’ll let you know when he’s on his way home.” She sounded hopeful.

  “Thanks for calling, and letting me know.”

  We hung up. I scrolled through my phone and pressed the send button over a contact.

  “Hey, it’s Tatum. Can you come over?” I cry into the phone.

  ***

  Sterling sits next to me on the couch with her arm around my shoulder as I cry hysterically on her shoulder. She’s brushing the hair out of my face and almost cradling me like a baby.

  “Why didn’t he come home to me?” I cry.

  “Today is the 3rd hardest day he’s had to face since the accident. It’s Betsy’s birthday, she loved birthdays, especially her own. It was his mission to always celebrate her birthday in a big way, the way she liked it. Him being sober right now, makes him realize that he’s not able to do that, and last year he was drunk, so he didn’t really have the mental capacity to deal.” She offers the explanation as blunt as she can.

  I continue crying, I’m crying because I’m selfish and hormonal.

  “Betsy was my best friend, did Max tell you that?” She continues. I shake my head.

  “Max had forgotten that as well after the accident. He forgot that I was in pain and hurting over the loss of my best friend, he doesn’t do that intentionally. He is an amazing guy, regardless of his past choices and sometimes asshole tendencies. This relationship you guys have, will see these sort of bumps in the road, because Max wears his heart on his sleeve and of what he’s gone through. He’s not completely transparent, but he sure tries to be. Give him a chance to come home to you and explain things, because he will, just give him a little bit of time.”

  I nod my head and pull away from Sterling’s shoulder just as a text comes through my phone.

  Max: I’m sorry, I haven’t let you know before now. I’m at Leo’s. Dealing with some stuff. Be home soon, I promise.

  I show the message to Sterling and she smiles.

  “See!” She says excitedly.

  I feel relieved as I sink into the couch. Sterling stuck around for another hour before she left, I made myself a sandwich and only ate half of it, the other half still sitting on the plate in front of me as my shoulder is being shaken lightly. I had fallen asleep on the couch, and Max’s eyes are coming into focus.

  “Let’s get you into bed.” He says as he moves his arm under me.

  “No, I’m okay, what time is it?” I ask him.

  “It’s late. Time got away from me today.”

  I nod. “I know what today is, Sterling filled me in, it’s okay.” I say as I reach out to caress his jaw. His features smooth and he smiles.

  “I didn’t want to bring any of it home. I’m sorry. I should have told you what today was, and I should have told you right away that I wasn’t coming home after work. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He’s whispering his sorrys into my hair as he’s pulled me to a hug.

  My hand is running along his back as I shush him.

  “Never apologize for loving someone, dead or alive.” I simply say.

  Chapter 28 – Max

  She’s amazing.

  She’s become my complete undoing and my savor all wrapped up in one. I can see the puffiness around her eyes as evidence that she had been crying earlier, and I know that it was my actions that made her cry. I continued pouring out the sorrys into her hair after I noticed the redness around her eyes and then she had to say something so profound, something so understanding to just blow me out of the park.

  She’s amazing.

  It’s late, too late to stay up any longer on a work night and have either of us be suitable for the following day. She finishes the last bite of her sandwich and then licks her fingertips. She looks at me and smiles, still finishing her chewing. I lean down and get my arm around her back and her other arm under her butt and pick her up. She grabs onto my shoulders in surprise as I stand and walk down the hallway.

  She’s only slept in my bed with me twice since our relationship has kicked off, in fear of getting out of control during a make-out session, but now that our month of taking things slow is officially over, I want her in my bed every night. I turn into my bedroom and set her down gently on the bed. She looks up at me with her big brown eyes and smiles.

  “I
want to spend the rest of the night worshipping your body, but we have plenty of other nights to do that. Tonight, we sleep.” I smile at her slowly undressing. She licks her lips with her eyes watching the movements on my hands.

  “But what if I don’t want to sleep?” She asks, playing innocent.

  “You’re growing my baby, you need sleep to keep him growing.” I saw pulling my pants down and adjusting myself in my boxers.

  She lets out a sigh with my adjusting. “I don’t like this decision of yours, don’t I have a say too?” She crosses her arms over her chest, lifting her breasts up, purposely.

  “Honey, I have refrained from getting caveman on you for 30 nights. One more cannot hurt either of us.” I say pulling the covers back and sliding in beside her. I then tug on her boxer shorts. “But I want these off.”

  She rolls her eyes, pouts, then wiggles out of the boxer shorts and tosses them on the floor beside the bed. I pull her into my arms, her back against my front, and breathe her pineapple and strawberry scent in through my nose and close my eyes.

  “This is the perfect end to a… an emotional day.” I whisper as I kiss her temple as my hand moves to splay across her growing belly.

  “So the baby is a he?” She whispers.

  “Today he is.” I smile with my eyes closed and drift off to sleep.

  ***

  I’m not going to lie, I woke up in the middle of the night and rolled Tatum over and started feeling her up, I placed kisses along the skin not covered by a blanket and I eventually took it a step further. The month long wait to get more physical was well worth it, even if it was middle of the night sex and in the dark, with no extreme foreplay. Shit, I feel like this past month has been foreplay.

  This morning, I had an extra pep in my step during my morning run, I even hummed in the shower while getting ready. Tatum lounged silently in bed and watched me with her eyes as I moved through my closet and dressed.

  “Are you going to get ready for work?” I ask as I sit at the edge of the bed and put my socks on.