BLURRED LINES Read online

  BLURRED LINES

  Tarrah Anders

  To my husband, who found his soulmate.

  (Yeah, that’s me!)

  Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Twenty-Four

  twenty-five

  TWENTY-SIX

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  TWENTY-NINE

  THIRTY

  THIRTY-ONE

  THIRTY-TWO

  THIRTY-THREE

  THIRTY-FOUR

  Epilogue

  Acknowledgments

  Dear Friends,

  Read More by Tarrah

  About the Author

  One

  Summer

  * * *

  “Are you fucking serious?” I feel like my eyes will burn from the sight. “I can’t even right now!” I say with disdain as I slam the door to the bedroom.

  I spin on my heel, my body rigid and my blood boiling from what I just saw in the room. The sound of my heels on the tile floor is all I hear as I dash to the kitchen counter for my purse.

  Fuck this. I don’t need to be treated like a piece of shit from someone who isn’t worthy of my time. I walk over to the hall closet and grab one of the spare duffel bags on the top of the shelf and slam the door.

  I walk around the living room and grab what is mine and cramming it in the bag as the bedroom door flies open.

  “Sum! Sum!” Colin calls out while walking down the short hallway of the apartment that we both share. He sees me across the room and starts in my direction. “It’s not what it looks like,” he pleads.

  “Are you kidding? Your dick in someone else is,” I laugh, “not what it looks like? You are fucking extra. You’re a scumbag Colin, a fucking scumbag, and I’m done.” I turn around and make my way to the other part of the living room, pulling some books off the bookshelf.

  “What are you doing?” He asks.

  “I’m getting some of my shit, I can’t believe I thought that you were better than that.”

  “Listen,” he starts.

  “No, you listen. That bitch is still in the bedroom, the bedroom that you and I have shared for the past six months. You don’t get to ask me to listen to you. I’m done. I’ll be back later to grab the rest of my stuff. This relationship is so fucking over.” I move around him and grab my purse with its contents falling over the hardwood floor.

  Colin comes to my side, hands me things that I swiftly pull from his hands and stuff back into my purse. I say nothing to him as I finish adding my belongings back to the safety of my purse.

  “I don’t know why you have so much crap in that thing,” he shakes his head standing.

  “It’s none of your fucking business,” I sneer at him as the bedroom door opens.

  “Colin?” Her tiny voice calls out while her small body fills the space of the doorway.

  “Your slut is calling, Colin, you better go to her.”

  “Summer, c’mon, can we just talk about this?”

  “There’s nothing to say, I’ll return my keys to the property manager as soon as my stuff is out of here.” I walk to the front door, turn around for one last look of the apartment that I loved that is now tarnished, and exit.

  I’m sitting in the driver’s seat of my car before the tears begin to fall.

  Why do I always date the jerks?

  I’ve been dating Colin for a year and we’ve been living together for the past six months. I met him in a bar and ignored the things that people would say about his promiscuous ways and how he’s never really been in a committed relationship, but I thought that he and I together were different.

  I knew, deep down, that Colin was never the guy that I was going to marry. Hell, I’m not even sure that I want to get married. Ever.

  Going at the rate that I am at thirty, it could very well be non existent for my future.

  I hit the steering wheel and take a deep breath.

  One. Two. Three.

  I pull out my phone and call my girlfriend, Sloane.

  “Sloane here,” she answers.

  “I need you,” I say immediately.

  “Are you okay?” She asks with concern in her tone.

  “Colin and I are over, and I need you plus drinks and maybe a bit of ice cream, who am I kidding, I need a lot of ice cream, gallons and shit.”

  “Shit sweetie, I really wish I could right now, but I’ve got back-to-back parent-teacher meetings for the next three hours. I think Shaw just left for the day. Want to call him and see if he can watch you until I’m done?”

  “I’m not a child, I don’t need a babysitter,” I reply dryly.

  “I know, I’m just saying, so someone is with you in your time of need,” she explains.

  “Oh, maybe. Shaw hated Colin, so I’m not sure he’d be much support, but you’re right. Plus, I can’t just sit in the parking lot, drinks when you’re done?”

  “I’ll be drink ready around six. I’m sorry love, I can’t cancel these, the usual spot?”

  “Yeah, the usual spot, see you there.”

  I hang up with her and inhale a deep breath again. I look up at the apartment building.

  Moving to this building was my decision. I wanted this specific apartment, Colin was fine with whatever I chose, in fact he left most of the process to me, which looking back at it now, should have been a sign that he wasn’t really invested, right?

  Shaw is my other best friend and even though I call him first for most things, he hated Colin. I don’t want to hear the ‘I told you so,’ but then again, I don’t want to sit here in this parking lot a minute later.

  I start the car and wait for the Bluetooth button to show on my car stereo screen and push the prompts until the call is connected. I put the car in reverse and start making my way to Shaw’s house.

  “You home yet?” I ask him.

  “I’m getting Mason, and then I’ll be home. Why? What’s going on?”

  “Can I come over for a bit? I’ll tell you when you get home?”

  “Sure, I should be there in twenty, let yourself in.” He tells me.

  Five minutes later, I’m pulling into Shaw’s driveway, before shutting off the engine. My phone rings over the speakers and I see Colin’s name. I reject the call, shut off the car and get out.

  As I’m walking up the walkway to the porch, my phone rings from inside my purse. I don’t bother with it and use my key to Shaw’s house to open the door.

  I set my purse on the chair in the living room and head straight to the fridge.

  Shaw has a kid, so he’s got to have some junk food in the house that I can get into to satisfy the sugar part of this break-up. I find some Go-Gurts and grab the whole box and sit at the kitchen table. I’m on my third when I hear the front door slam, multiple pairs of shoes slap against the floor as the sound rounds into the dining room.

  “Auntie Summer!” Mason yells when he sees me. He jumps onto my lap, throws his tiny arms around my neck and hugs me tight. I return his hug as this is just what I needed and smile.

  “Hey bud,” I say into his short blond hair as Shaw pulls out a chair from the table and sits opposite me.

  “Why are you eating all my gurts?” He point
s to the mess in front of me and then swings his head to look at Shaw. “Daddy, we’re gonna need some more of these, start!”

  “Start?” Shaw questions.

  “Like right away,” Mason clarifies.

  “Oh, that would be STAT. I’ll get some later. Go put your stuff away in your room while I talk to Summer,” he directs.

  Mason climbs off my lap and does as requested while Shaw looks me over.

  “Do we need something more adult than yogurt?” He asks.

  “I do, but I’m saving that for the bar,” I reply. “If I start drinking, then I’m not leaving.”

  “Shit, what happened, did you get fired?” He asks.

  “I own the store; I cannot really fire myself. No, it’s about Colin.” I say carefully.

  “What did that idiot do now?”

  Two

  Summer

  * * *

  I open another of Mason’s yogurts and begin squirting it into my mouth while Shaw looks on.

  “He is fucking someone else,” I say with a mouthful.

  “Excuse me?” Shaw says, his tone bordering pissed off and concern.

  “I left the store early today, I had Becky and Tasha there, so I thought it would be great to go home and make a nice dinner to surprise Colin for tonight, only to find that he was already home.”

  “Okay,” Shaw says slowly.

  “I got home, noticed a jacket that wasn’t mine on the couch, and then I heard something from the bedroom. The door was closed, and you know since I live there, I didn’t knock. So, when I opened up the door, there was Colin on the bed with some chick riding him. Neither of them noticed me right away and then when Colin did, she kept going and I just slammed the door closed.”

  “Shit, are you all right?” He asks.

  “I started putting random shit in a bag and then I just left. I’m not going to kick him out. Who knows how many surfaces of that apartment are tainted, and now I don’t have a home. I have no home, Shaw!” I begin to feel the tears surfacing.

  “Confession time,” Shaw begins with one of our truth bomb moments that we started back in college when we needed to be real with one another. “I never liked Colin, you were too good for him and he was a complete douche-canoe.”

  Shaw was out of his seat in a flash and to my side on his knees. His arms wrap around me and I lean into him, with tears falling.

  “Daddy, why is Auntie Summer sad?” Mason asks from the front of the dining room.

  “Hey bud, can you go play for a little bit? I need to make sure that Auntie Summer is okay.”

  I assume that Mason has left the room, as both of Shaw’s arms are wrapped around me again.

  “You’ve always got a home here, you know that. I have an extra room that you can stay in for as long as you need.”

  “I don’t want to bring my drama into your house,” I cry into his shoulder.

  “Sum, you did that the moment you crashed my study group, go hang out with Mason for a little bit, I’ll make sure the bed is made up for you and seriously, just stay here as long as you need.”

  “Are you sure?” I ask, pulling back and lifting my chin to look up at him with a sniff.

  “Positive.” He looks down and smiles sincerely.

  “Thank you, Shaw. I promise to not suck as a temporary roommate.”

  “At least be cleaner than a four-year-old.” He says with a tilt of his head.

  “Deal.”

  “Wait a minute! You actually walked in on it?” Sloane asks, putting down her drink.

  I just relayed everything that happened earlier tonight, and I feel like I need to rub my entire body with hand sanitizer.

  “It was as if she was singing that ‘Ride a horse’ song.” I reply.

  “You mean ‘Save a horse, ride a cowboy’.” Sloane corrects with a laugh.

  “Yeah, that. Anyway, she didn’t notice me because she was likely reciting the lyrics, only thing missing was her arm up in the air!”

  “Was she cute?” Sloane asks.

  “I didn’t get a look at her face, and it happened so quick.”

  “Do you think that it was a one time thing?” Sloane asks.

  “I don’t know, I don’t care. I won’t be with someone who cheats on me.”

  “Smart woman. So now what, I want to say that you guys just moved in together?”

  “Six months ago. Shaw has an extra room, so I’ll just stay there until I can find something else.” I shrug.

  “Is Shaw dating anyone?” she asks.

  “Not that I know of, why?” I ask, running my thumb along the condensation of my glass.

  “Shaw’s cute,” she’s with a lift of her shoulder in a nonchalant tone.

  “I guess so, why do you say that?”

  “Have you ever, you know?” she wiggles her eyebrows.

  “Have I what?” I look at her in confusion.

  “Gone there… you know, with Shaw?”

  I laugh. She can’t be serious.

  “Um, no. Shaw and I are just friends. He’s my best friend, we’ve never, you know.” I say between laughing.

  “Really? Shaw’s hot. If I didn’t have Roger, I would be all over that. He’s got that hot dad look to him, he may not have a six-pack or anything, but damn–have you seen his face?” She fans herself.

  “Really? Shaw?”

  “You may have the friend’s lens on and all, but he’s a hot commodity. I’ve heard some of the mom’s talk about him from time to time after leaving his classroom.”

  “He’s Shaw, I’ve never thought of him like that.” I shake my head.

  “Maybe you should start? It couldn’t hurt. He’d be good for you.”

  “I don’t need to jump into another relationship, so quickly. Let alone with my best friend.”

  “Try looking at him differently, just try.”

  I spin in my seat to face forward to order another round of drinks.

  Shaw. I don’t think I’ve ever noticed Shaw in any other light before, could I?

  Three

  Summer

  * * *

  I’m hungover.

  It sucks, because it's been awhile since I've felt this shitty and I was also hoping that the past 24 hours would have been forgotten. Instead, they are crisp in my memory, including what Sloane mentioned about Shaw.

  I met Shaw my sophomore year in college when I arrived an hour late to an English Lit study group When everyone else was annoyed by my tardiness, he took the time to catch me up.

  I ran late to the next one as well, and again, he caught me up. We forged a friendship and only grew closer in the later years after college.

  Looks-wise, Shaw is an attractive man. He’s tall, light brown hair that’s a little long on top and short on the sides, he’s got caring olive colored eyes and a strong jawline.

  Am I attracted to him? I don’t think that I ever let myself think of him as anything more than a friend. When we first met, I was dating some frat guy, and he was focused on school and dated here and there, but nothing too serious until he met his ex, Natalie.

  I groan and as I get out of bed. I put on the sweatshirt that lies on the chair opposite the bed.

  I slowly open the door and tiptoe down the hall to the bathroom, do what I need to do and then make my way to the kitchen.

  It’s a week day, so I have the house to myself and I don’t open up my store for another few hours, so I’m thankful to have the space to myself, even though I’m invading someone else’s home.

  I start the Keurig and make myself a cup of coffee, after drinking a glass of water and taking some aspirin as I walk around Shaw’s home. I’ve been here a million of times, but I’m not confident that I’ve recently looked around at what makes his home, a home.

  The artwork from Mason hangs proudly on the fridge and along the wall beside the eat in kitchen area. In the living room, there are a few large black and white photos of still objects, mostly landscape images. There’s a built-in bookshelf along one side of the wall where h
e has some random books and a million photo albums.

  There are several photos of Mason, Shaw and Mason, photos of Shaw’s parents and then several photos of Shaw and me through the years as well. One of the larger photos looks to be a candid photo of Shaw, Mason and me having a picnic, laughing together. I don’t think I’ve seen the photo before now. My finger runs along the edge of the photo. We look like a family; we look so happy.

  Does Shaw think of me as more than a friend?

  Could I think of Shaw as more than a friend?

  Looking at him in the photo, he’s very attractive and knowing his character, makes him even more attractive.

  I shake my head.

  He’s your best friend. Stop being ridiculous! I chastise myself and return to the kitchen to top off my coffee before getting in the shower to start my day.

  Damn Sloane for putting those thoughts in my head.

  My day is uneventful and half-way through when my staff comes in, I decide to leave and head to my apartment to get some things. I didn’t grab any clothes and feel gross wearing yesterday's clothing, even though nobody noticed at the store. As I enter the apartment, I realize that I’m not as upset as I should be when someone's relationship falls apart.

  I’m looking around the space as if I’ve never seen it before, with clarity.

  While I chose this apartment, we both combined our furniture to make this place a home. What I see now, reflects none of that to me. I grab my suitcase and a few bankers boxes from the closet and once I have constructed the boxes; I place a few sentimental knick knacks into the box, while I walk through the living room and the kitchen. I place the box beside the front door once it’s full and take the suitcase to the bedroom.